Do you have sons?

I do. Two in fact, ages 8 and 4. My brother (also two sons) sent me an e-mail he’d received from another man with sons. It’s hilarious and I’ll share it here.

Things I’ve learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):

1.  A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep

2.  If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite

3.  A 3-year old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant

4.  If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room

5.  You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way

6.  The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan

7.  When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh”, it’s already too late

8.  Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it

9.  A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies

10.  Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year  old boy

11.  Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence

12.  Super glue is forever

13.  No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water

14.  Pool filters do not like Jell-O

15.  VCR’s do not eject “PB&J” sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do

16.  Garbage bags do not make good parachutes

17.  Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving

18.  You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is

19.  Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens

20.  The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time

21.  The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy

22.  It will, however, make cats dizzy

23.  Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy

24.  80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid

Isn’t that hilarious? Okay, gotta go. I need to see if I have any brake fluid in the garage.